By M. Nadhif Khalyani
“Pak, tidak ada macan memangsa anaknya sendiri.!?”, kata beliau memulai pembicaraan.
Mengalirlah kemudian cerita kelam hidup beliau, yang selama belasan tahun disembunyikan.
Beliau kemudian menceritakan peristiwa demi peristiwa dalam kehidupannya.
Ada rasa marah memuncak namun tidak berdaya.
Ada kecewa mendalam, tapi tidak ada yang bisa dilakukan.
Beliau orang yang baik, terbukti beliau menyembunyikan semua rahasia itu, termasuk kepada ibu kandungnya.
Namun kemarahan itu seperti apa yang menyambar nyambar. Meski sekuat tenaga meredam kemarahan dan sakit hati, kemarahan itu tetap muncul, dalam bentuk yang berbeda.
Sifatnya perlahan berubah…
Cara meluapkan emosi juga berubah…
Saat marah, beliau bisa mencekik anak kecil yang ada disebelahnya. Menggunakan senjata tajam untuk megancam orang yang membuatnya marah.
Jika sedang depresi, mengurung diri, tidak mau keluar rumah, menutup diri, terkadang minder dengan pergaulan.
Seiring berjalan waktu, beliau merasakan hal yang tak wajar.
Dalam sebuah terapi Qur’ani yang beliau ikuti, beliau “kesurupan” secara frontal. Hal ini berlangsung dari waktu ke waktu.
Ikhtiar untuk menyelesaikan kemarahan itu “seolah” sudah terjadi, namun memori negatif tersebut ternyata belum hilang. Dan itulah mungkin ekspresi yang muncul saat terapi selama beberapa waktu lalu.
Banyak hal dimasa lalu yang sebenarnya menjadi “nampak” dalam keseharian kita.
Cara kita mengelola konflik, cara kita marah, cara kita sedih seolah adalah cerminan dari akumulasi peristiwa peristiwa masa lalu yang belum terurai.
Kembali ke cerita tadi…
Beliau kemudian mencoba untuk mulai memuhasabahi diri, belajar berlapang dada dan yang paling berat adalah berusaha untuk tetap bersyukur.
Perlu waktu untuk mengembalikan sisi spiritual beliau. Namun Alloh berkahi kesungguhan beliau.
Setelah sekian waktu…nampak perubahan dalam diri, cara bersikap, dan cara menempatkan orang tua dalam dirinya.
Dan hal menakjubkan terjadi saat beliau mengikuti sesi terapi di kota nya.
Semua “ekspresi” frontal yang dulu lenyap. Normal tanpa keluhan.
Saat kita punya “memori buruk” di masa lalu, maka ada PR berat yang harus kita selesaikan…
Mengenalinya, menginsyafi, memaafkan, sembari tetap bersyukur.
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