Memaafkan Asal Dengan Syarat
By M. Nadhif Khalyani
“Saya maafkan, tapi dengan syarat kamu harus berubah”……
Pernahkah kita mendengar kalimat sejenis ini? Atau kita sendiri yang mengucapkannya?
Tema memaafkan adalah tema yang terlalu sering kita dengar, dan semua orang paham bahwa memaafkan itu sifat yang baik. Meski tidak semua orang mempu meraih kebaikannya.
Al Qur’an menjelaskan bahwa sifat ini adalah sifat orang yang dicintai Alloh.
الَّذِيْنَ يُنْفِقُوْنَ فِى السَّرَّآءِ وَالضَّرَّآءِ وَالْكٰظِمِيْنَ الْغَيْظَ وَالْعَافِيْنَ عَنِ النَّاسِ وَاللّٰهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِيْنَ
“(yaitu) orang-orang yang berinfak, baik di waktu lapang maupun sempit, dan orang-orang yang menahan amarahnya dan memaafkan (kesalahan) orang lain. Dan Allah mencintai orang yang berbuat kebaikan.”
(QS. Ali ‘Imran 3: Ayat 134)
Dari ayat ini kita bisa pahami bahwa sifat yang tidak mudah dan membutuhkan perjuangan, sebagaimana berinfak di saat lapang dan sempit, dan menahan amarah, juga memerlukan kemampuan lebih.
Salah satu yang membuat memaafkan semakin berat adalah membuat persyaratan untuk memberikan maaf. Maaf baru kita berikan saat orang tersebut berjanji dan bisa berubah sesuai yang kita mau.
Sadarkah kita, bahwa cara memaafkan sejenis ini justru membuat batin kita tersiksa.
Ending dari memaafkan bukan saja bebasnya orang yang dimaafkan, namun ending hakiki dari memaafkan adalah terbebasnya diri kita sendiri “belenggu perselisihan”.
Betapa banyak orang berselisih lalu saling memaafkan, namun masih tidak mampu move on, dan terjebak pada memori masa lalu yang susah dilupakan.
Penyebabnya, salah satunya, adalah kita sering membuat syarat saat akan memaafkan.
Mengapa bisa demikian?
Tidak memberi maaf itu buruk karena membuat diri sendiri terpenjara dan dihantui oleh masa lalu.
Namun memaafkan dengan syarat justru jauh lebih menyakitkan.
Karena orang yang memaafkan dengan syarat itu harus berjuang pada 2 hal :
Pertama, berjuang untuk membebaskan diri dari masa lalu dengan memaafkan
Kedua, berjuang lepas dari was was kecewa dan ketakutan trauma
Jadi bgmana solusinya?
Memaafkan tanpa syarat ……adalah jalan keluarnya.
“Susah sekali pak!”…mungkin ini yang ada dalam pikiran kita.
Benar…memang susah..
Tetapi sadarkah kita bahwa yang jauh lebih susah adalah melepaskan diri dari kecewa dan trauma yang kedua kalinya.
Baarakallohu fiikum
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